Sometimes in a relationship, you have to make the choice between being loyal to that particular person, or doing something that they won’t be happy about but you know is “the right thing”.
Likely, this will result in a conflict between you and them. But, NOT doing the right thing will only result in a bigger conflict later.
I’ll use an example to explain what I mean.
Imagine you’re in a team working on a project with another team. Over time, a pattern has developed where during project meetings, one of your teammates (Brandon, a long-time colleague and friend of yours) repeatedly attacks Sanjay, a member of the other team about an issue that keeps surfacing. You agree with part of Brandon’s point, but you don’t like how he’s approaching the situation or how he treats Sanjay.
You’ve said something to Brandon about it before, but he hasn’t changed his approach and it’s really affecting the team dynamics adversely. You know that you’re the one he will listen to most, based on your relationship. But, when you raised the subject the first time, he responded pretty negatively and wasn’t very open to what you had to say.
You face a choice:
Stay loyal to Brandon and leave the issue alone
OR
Engage the topic with him, which you know will create a conflict between the two of you.
It’s clear that in any given moment, the downside of engaging the topic outweighs the upside. But it’s also clear that NOT engaging the topic will cause the situation to continue deteriorating. It’s time for action.
If you really think about it, though, the situation as it stands is not benefiting Brandon either. His actions have already made a bad name for him in this project, and bad news spreads quickly. Furthermore, he’s not getting the result he wants from the other side anyway. So in a sense, you are being disloyal to Brandon if you don’t engage the difficult discussion with him.
Unchanged, everybody loses in this situation, but if you’re willing to take the problem on, everyone can win.
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