I have very mixed emotions as I sit here typing this blog entry. Sadness, disappointment, anger – but mostly sadness.
We’re moving house, and today we had a crew of professional packers at our house, getting us ready for our move later this week. They were great, they did good work, etc. There’s no issue there.
So why do I have all these emotions? Because I’m back in the struggle phase of the transition we’re in.
You see, we’re downsizing.
Yes, going against the flow. Against what is typically seen as a “good thing” in our consumption-based, ever-wanting-more society.
Don’t get me wrong: I do my fair share of consuming, and I like more too. But I’m aware that consuming and getting more “stuff” does NOT make me happy. Sure, it satisfies my ego at a superficial level. But it doesn’t really make me happy.
For a number of reasons, earlier this year my wife and I decided to sell the big fancy house we live in, and move to something much simpler and considerably smaller. Some of this is motivated by a desire to live more simply. Some of this is motivated by a desire to live closer to shops, restaurants, the Toronto subway system, and other services. When I say closer, by the way, I mean within 5-10 minutes walking distance.
But then there’s the other driver behind this decision that has been the hardest part of the whole thing for me, and the source of most of my struggle: we want to reduce our overhead. I’m tempted to put the word “need” there instead of want, but it’s really not completely true that we “need” to. We could stay where we are. We’d have to make some adjustments with other investments we have, but we certainly could do it. But we don’t want to make those adjustments. So, combined with the other goals we had, we decided to sell the place.
But here’s the rub: again and again, I come back to the feeling that we were pushed into this; that it wasn’t really our choice. When that happens – no surprise – the negative emotions raise their ugly head(s).
So what do I do?
Well, I work myself through the thinking in my head again. I review the decision process, and I remember: “Oh yes, this was our choice.” Sure, we could have made other choices, but we didn’t. So I have to re-own our choice.
You know what’s neat? As I sit here writing this blog post- I already feel better, because I’ve worked through the thinking by explaining it to you. Thanks!
There is one other key thing that’s going on, and that is the “negotiation” with my ego.
So now I finally come to the reason for the title of my blog entry. If I’m going to be really honest with you, I need to disclose that the other part of this story relates to my ego.
The house we’re moving to isn’t “impressive”. It’s not “big”. It doesn’t look “funky” or “cool”. It doesn’t have any special features that will produce “Oooh’s and Aaaah’s” the way our current house does. Even though getting Oooh’s and Aaaah’s aren’t what really drive my choice in housing, I’d be lying if I didn’t say I liked hearing them. The current house helps me “look good”.
And boy oh boy, LOOKING GOOD is something we all want.
In fact, too many of us (myself included sometimes) are slaves to it. IT is our master. What a shame. I’m happy to say that my wife and I have broken free from this master for now (at least on the housing front), but he still wants to get the odd beating in while he can.
But here’s the silver lining in all of this. Being willing to make this choice and follow through with it has been incredibly freeing in many ways. Sure, I get hooked again every so often, like I did tonight.
But I keep coming back to centre, and to feeling GREAT and PROUD of our choice – like I do right now.
Here’s to breaking free of our own (and society’s) traps.
Thanks for “listening”.
Hey Pieter! Nice post! Good to put feelings out! This also helps us to re-own – as you said – our thoughts, decisions and get it out of the system. Hope to see you soon!
Carlos
Hi Carlos, Thanks very much for your comment. I agree – by writing or talking about our feelings, we can process them and release them. And as you saw, that happened to me last night while I was writing the blog post. Good to see your name, and hope all’s well on your end. Drop me an email or send me a facebook msg with an update from your end when you can. Would love to hear what’s new.
Peter!
If it makes you feel any better – I’m oohing and aahing over your BRAIN right now, which is much better and more important than your house. Congratulations to you and the family for choosing what’s important in life rather than accepting what others tell you.
You’ll be happier this way – with yourself, with your home…with your life.
I think of you often and I’m glad to know you’re doing well.
Stephen
Hi Stephen, Great to hear from you! Thank you so much for your very kind words. Your words ring very true. From the very first night here I have LOVED our new home. It is right for us in SO many ways. All the transition feelings left me when we moved in here on Friday. I think of you too and remember fondly those regular chats we used to have. Be well. Peter.
Oh, I am there also now and then! It is always a good exercise to remember our life is our choice! (Ok, unless perhaps someone is pointing a gun to our head…
)
It will be a pleasure to invite you to our simple apartment next year when you come back to Singapore!
Enjoy the transition! Live good!
Hi Nuno, Thanks for your comment. Wise words indeed, “our life is [generally] our choice.” Such simple yet profound words. Hope all’s well on your front. Peter.
Feeling good beats looking good any day! And I love Stephen’s comment about oohing and aahing over your brain. I’ll join that club!
All the best for the new house – it will be a lovely and loving home.
Lisa, you’re too sweet! And you’re right: FEELING good is critically important. Best wishes! Peter.
Hi Peter-
If you ever worry about not “looking good”- just put on those yellow pants!
They are sure to make you feel good, and look good.
Congrats on recognizing the move was best for your family,
Rob
Thanks Rob! Much appreciated. You’re right, those yellow trousers will definitely do the job. Nice to hear from you. All my best, Peter.
When we downsized and moved to an extremely pedestrian friendly neighbourhood, some people immediately “got it” and others still don’t understand our thinking. Count me as someone who gets what you’re doing and applauds you for making the change. It’s freeing in so many ways.
Congratulations Peter!
Dear Helen,
Thank you so much for your comment, laden with wise words. It’s so nice to hear from you!
I couldn’t agree more – moving to a smaller house in a neighbourhood where one can walk to things is very freeing! I’m very happy to hear you all continue to enjoy your new lifestyle. Give my best to the family!
Peter.