This post is connected to the “Letting Go” post I wrote on May 19th.

I believe one of the ways you can let go of things more often is if you stop trying to force things to happen, and to happen when and how you’d like it.

I’m someone who wants a lot out of life.  I’ve done a lot of things, been to a lot of places, accomplished a lot.  Thankfully I am gradually learning to moderate my pace more often these days, and very importantly, I’ve learned to take breaks for myself and my family.

Still, when you’re wired the way I am, the notion of just “allowing” things to happen & develop – without taking some kind of proactive role – is foreign to me.

But that’s what I’m recommending.

Not all the time, not in every situation, but more often.

I need to make one thing clear though: allowing doesn’t necessarily mean you don’t do anything to encourage events to work out well for you.  Perhaps a better word – instead of “allowing” – is “directing”.

The main thing I’m suggesting
is that you go with the current more often,
using your rudder to steer,
instead of paddling upstream all the time.

You’re probably just making your life harder than it needs to be when you try to force everything.

So, set an intention, make plans, have goals, take action. Absolutely.

AND, remember what John Lennon so wisely said:

“Life is what happens while you’re busy making plans”.

Many times over the years I have been criticized by people around me for being too generous: with my time, money, or with my assumption about someone’s intent.

Many times, I have agreed with this criticism.
In some situations it has been very well placed,

AND

sometimes the criticism misses the point.

Sometimes (perhaps most of the time) it is that person’s OWN fears, suspicions, and past pain that causes them to have this view and offer this criticism, feedback, or advice.

Over time I have come to accept
this trait of mine more and more.

I have concluded that if one of my primary “flaws” in  life
is that I’m too generous with people,
how bad is that?

Maybe the world needs more generosity, not less.

Here’s a recent case in point:
This past Monday I made a very generous financial offer to someone.

This offer would have certainly attracted criticism from some of the people who have offered feedback in the past.

But I did it anyway.

The result?

A warm and genuine display of generosity right back – the day following my offer.  AND, a significant positive boost in that relationship (which was already in great shape).

How great is that?

It’s important to say that I was not expecting nor wanting anything back.  That’s the only way all of this works; when it is a genuine act of generosity with NO STRINGS ATTACHED.

So next time your little voices of fear, greed, suspicion, or pessimism creep up and keep you from being generous when your “spirit” or “gut” are pulling you toward it, put aside the fear and go for it.

Be the best version of yourself and make that offer or give that help – with NO expectation of any reciprocation.  I think you’ll be glad you did.

Many of you know this familiar adage, and, many of us ignore it at our peril – especially in our hurry hurry world.

Over the past week I have been engaged in a client situation where exactly this problem is at play.  The client has received a request from a department within their organization, and the request has been positioned as very time-sensitive.  In their desire to be responsive to their colleagues, our client has rushed forward, engaging us and two other external vendors in a series of dialogues about how we might meet the request. 

There is only one problem:
the internal client's core goal is not well defined. 

Thus far we have been, at least in part, caught in their tornado.  So, one of the primary focuses of our dialogue with them till now has been to slow them down and help them clarify their own focus.  We have asked big-picture questions about the core objective and the trade-offs involved in time vs. quality.  We have broadened the discussion beyond a few narrow options to a broader range.  And, most of all, by our questions, they have realized that they do not have nearly enough information and therefore have returned to their internal stakeholder to clarify the goal. 

Our next step will be to go one step further.  It will be to put on our observation on the table with our key contacts at the client.  We will "name the game" as it were.  Essentially we will say that we feel the project is running too far too fast, and in the process chewing up many cycles of processing time and energy – a large proportion of which are premature.  We will encourage them to slow down and look at the big picture more robustly with their internal colleagues, and then return to us with the next steps. 

This problem is certainly not unique to this specific client.  It is a universal problem, and one we often describe when working with clients.  In our solution-focused modern business climate, we too often rush to "the answer" without sufficiently understanding "the question".  Said in our language, we rush to the options (solutions) without sufficiently understanding the interests and concerns we are trying to satisfy. 

So, go slow (at the start) in order to go fast (and in the right direction) the rest of the way.

This was an amazing week in the life of American politics, and in the life of democracy as a whole.  Whatever one's political views, it is difficult to describe the election of Barack Obama as President of the United States of America as anything but a sea change. 

It is transformational – particularly in light of the United States' history, and the continued lightning rod-like emotions driven up by the issue of race in America.  Rather than making political commentary, however, my focus here is on how this election campaign – and Barack Obama's approach to the campaign (and to life, it seems) illustrates the impact of mindset on results and context.  

Let me be more specific.  In my view, Barack Obama has been all about mindset (aka paradigm), since day 1 of his campaign.  And, it is his mindset and the way of being that flows from it that attracts so many people to him.  In essence, Obama has created a new reality for people to live into.  What is that new reality (aka mindset)?  It is one of hope, acceptance, inspiration, calm courage, steadfast determination, leadership by example, and the sense that anything is possible.  

The way I see it, whether one agrees with his political views and policies or not, Barack Obama changed the game in the election (and on the American political scene) by calling people to a new, higher plane.  And this kind of a game has not been seen for a long time in that setting.  More than that, Obama has succeeded in reigniting hope and a sense of empowerment (i.e. "Yes we can") among the American people, and I would argue that he has done so well beyond the USA's borders as well.  

How does this connect to the work we do at Common Outlook?  Very directly.  

A foundational component of ANY work we do with clients is an examination of their mindset, and how it drives – consciously, and especially unconsciously – their actions and results.  We help people uncover their fear-based or greed-based beliefs and assumptions, and we show how this often produces results they don't want.  And, we show them how they can fundamentally change this stance in order to produce something much better in terms of an outcome.  It is not easy to "live" or "embody" this different, more empowered mindset.  It requires us to move beyond our survival-based instincts and behaviours to something higher.  It takes courage, emotional maturity, discipline, open-mindedness, and a view of the big picture, among other things.  But, the results are worth it – as is the experience of the journey. 

If you have doubts about the impact of creating a new paradigm for people, just watch any significant speech Barack Obama has given.  Listen to his words, watch his way of being, and observe the reactions of the people in the audience (or simply notice your own).  I would be surprised if you could not notice the paradigm shift in action.   

Hi folks.  It's been over seven weeks since my last entry – ouch!  I guess the summer was just too much fun. 

I just got back this evening from an engagement in the US with a multinational client of ours.  Over the course of the day, I was reminded again of an important principle we often talk about with clients but which doesn't always get enough attention: the notion of keeping "The Big Picture" in mind when making decisions in negotiations and relationships.  Specifically, keeping your end goal in mind when deciding about any given "move" in the negotiation.  

I have noticed more and more over time that our clients seem to be much less strategic in their thinking than before – at least as it relates to day-to-day decisions and projects.  

Why? 

These days, to get some peace and quiet and some focus time, you really have to make a very conscious choice about it.  And, it requires more discipline than before, because simply escaping the physical setting of your office is not enough to give you that space.  You've also got to turn all those electronic gadgets OFF.  YES, TURN YOUR CELLPHONE/BLACKBERRY/IPHONE OFF!  "STEP AWAY FROM THE DEVICE!"  It's practically a biological impossibility in some people's eyes.  These devices become addictive, people say.  They don't call them "Crackberrys" for nothing.  

But, the payoff is well worth the effort. 

More and more research is surfacing about how inefficient "multi-tasking" is.  Our brain just gets into the groove on one activity when we switch to another, and our flow of thought is broken.  To get back into that flow takes some extra time, and, we've got to spend time getting into and out of whatever "activity #2" is that we interrupted "activity #1" for.  

We see these impacts show up not only in poor decisions, but in the scattered and unfocused way of being we notice in many of our clients.  They never really seem to be in control of where they're headed.  They just seem to be barely keeping a lid on things, and usually haven't given things much thought because they're just jumping from one activity to the next. 

So, give yourself a gift next time you've got an important project to work on:

Unplug.

Give yourself even 30 minutes – yes, it sounds outrageous, 30 WHOLE MINUTES of uninterrupted time focusing on that item.  Then, see what the quality of your thinking is like.  Here's to the power of focus, and to the power of looking beyond our navel.  

In my last two postings I discussed a situation with a long-time colleague where I created a problem by (a) ignoring my instincts, and (b) more specifically, ignoring my instincts that told me NOT to address a potentially sensitive topic in an email.  

I'm happy to report that now, the relationship has been repaired.  

How?  Through an honest, authentic, open conversation where each one of us was willing to be vulnerable, to tell the ugly truth about what we thought and felt, and where each one of us was willing to acknowledge something we could have done differently.  

I began by apologizing for even putting the topic in an email in the first place.  I could immediately feel a shift in his energy – a positive shift.  In fact, I sensed relief.  We took the time to hear each other out (I heard him out first since he was the aggrieved party, so at a minimum I felt I should let him speak first if he wanted to).  We also took the time and demonstrated the courage and commitment to really put it all out there, and to explore openly questions or items that came up.  In the end, I asked him how he felt, and his answer was, "Much better.  There's a wound that needs a bit of time to heal, but I feel much better."  

For me, what's ironic (or not really ironic, when you stop and think about it), is that I feel closer to him now than I did BEFORE THE PROBLEM.  In fact, I sent him a note the next day saying exactly that.  On the phone we both acknowledged the notion that you really get a sense for what people are made of when there is a problem.  Their response to that situation will tell you a lot more about what they're REALLY made of than 5 years of "happy happy" contact. 

What's my lesson?  There are several, actually:

• First, as I already noted, listen to your instincts!
• Honour your closest relationships.  If you make a mistake, hang in there and clean things up.  Why injure or destroy a great relationship because of one fight?
• If you make a mess, you have to be willing to be authentic about cleaning it up.  You need to be willing to show your warts and look bad.  I know this doesn't sound attractive, but if you reflect on your experience, this is exactly what creates the opening for something new. 

So, I'll chalk it up to being human and to growth.  Still, it's painful each time, so I'm happy that I've got some frameworks to guide me and my feelings through this process.  

Many thanks,

Peter.