How often have you decided to do something
because you felt you “had to” or “should”?

How often have you said “yes” to a request
out of a sense of obligation?

Probably too often if you’re anything like the rest of us.

This is where the trouble starts.  The “yes” isn’t a real yes. It’s an, “OK, ok, I will”.  It’s a grudging, unenthusiastic yes. And when that happens, how good is the outcome?  You already know the answer.

So here’s my advice: practice the art of saying:

Trust me, it’s really refreshing.

Geez, I just realized I might be sounding a bit like Nancy Reagan: “Just Say No”.  I guess she did have a point.

Here’s another piece of advice:

If you really want someone’s buy-in when you’re trying to negotiate them into doing something, make it clear that they should feel free to say “no”.  Then, if they do say yes, they’ll really be on board.

Try it – I think you’ll like it.

It might seem like this post is in direct contradiction to the “Just Do It” post I wrote the other day.  But it’s not.

“Just Do It” was about the distinction between “trying” to do something and actually “doing it” – the difference between an intention and an action.

This post is about making sure that what you’re doing is:

1. Worth doing;
2. Moving you in the right direction; and
3. Something that actually serves meets your goals and matches your values (this is what I mean by “right direction”).

In key negotiations, in conflicts, and in life, this can save your backside.

But, in this crazy “always on, always available, 24/7, Crackberry/iPhone push email world”, I see examples everyday of where people do not stop to hit the pause button, and pay the price for it.

They end up doing busywork instead of good work.  Busywork instead of the right work.  Or, they just plain make a really poor choice.  What a shame.

All of us have to wrestle with this – myself included.  I’ve built systems to manage this – and big one is the very simple tool I’m talking to you about right here – the pause button.

When to use the pause button:

• When you’re not sure about something;
• When your “Spidey Senses” are tingling – something just doesn’t feel right;
• When you feel pressured to make a choice and you just don’t feel ready;
• When it’s a big decision that will impact a number of people; and
• Just because.

The research is very clear: multitasking produces a lot of poor decisions, as does rushing.  Google about this and you’ll find lots of info on it.

I’m not saying that every decision needs to take a long time.  Sometimes all you need is 30 seconds or a few minutes – but even that tiny bit of time can DRAMATICALLY IMPROVE the quality of your decision.

Try it – you’ll like it.