Sometimes you just plain need
a good ‘ole knock down drag ‘em out fight.

Really.

I was reminded of this today.

To be clear, I don’t actually mean a physical fight,
even though I depict one here in the image I’m using.

I mean an argument.

This might seem like odd advice, given that my field is conflict management, win/win negotiations, effective communication skills and so on, but sometimes you should “have it out” with the person you’re upset at, and let the cards more or less fall where they may.

“Why?”, you ask.

Because too often when we focus on not fighting – on being civilized, kind, watching our words, not raising our voice – we lose something important: honesty.

We also may not set the kind of boundaries we really need with that person or in that situation.

From my perspective, the best thing about allowing yourself to argue with someone is that it clears the air; everything gets out in the open.

On the flip side, the biggest potential cost is that you might say something you regret later.  There can be “collateral damage”. And sometimes, that collateral damage is costly.

You still need to be responsible for your words and your actions during a fight.  And, you need to be willing to clean up any “messes” you’ve created. But as long as you do these two things, you should be in good shape.

So next time you’ve been holding stuff in for too long, maybe you should allow yourself to blast the person you’re upset at.  Again, be responsible for your words and actions.  Raise your voice, get upset, make a fuss, but be responsible.

Then, clean up messes you create during the fight, and you should be left with a new level of clarity and a new opportunity in that relationship.

Hello Everyone,

I’m back from L.A. and wow was it an amazing experience!

Meeting Richard Branson was one of the highlights for sure .

He’s very kind, down to earth, and was smiling the whole time he was with our group.  He was only able to stop by for a short visit, but it was well worth it.

He spoke for a while, and then we had the chance to ask him questions.

My question was:

“Looking back on your experience, if you could only offer us one piece of advice about how to be successful (in the broader sense of the word – beyond just financial or business success), what would that advice be?”

His answer was terrific.

He began, (I’m paraphrasing) “Well, success really begins at home, so choosing the right partner is important, and investing in making things work with him or her is critical – especially if there are kids involved.  I think that’s very important.  Then at work, it’s important to remember that businesses are run by people, so treat your people well.”

Beautiful.  So straightforward, so simple, and so full of wisdom.  I love it.

What’s best is that I saw these values in action that evening at the Virgin Unite Charity Gala.  His mother was there and his son was there.  It was plain to see from the interaction among them that this family was close.  Wonderful.

So many super-wealthy, super “successful” (in the business sense) families are completely messed up.  It was wonderful to see this in action.

All of this ties so well into the work we do at Common Outlook Consulting:

• Relationships are key.
• Invest in them.
• Treat people well.
• Treat them with respect.

This will give you the opportunity to produce world-class business (and life) results.

I’m very excited to let you all know that this week I’m headed to L.A. to participate in a “mastermind group” where I will meet Richard Branson!

I’ve followed his activities for many years, and now I get the honour of meeting him in person.

I’m really looking forward to meeting him.

Just writing about it gets me jazzed!

Why am I so jazzed?  Because I see him as:

• A visionary leader;
• A role model for doing business in a human way;
• Someone who excels at focusing on the customer – wow!
• A great example of someone who doesn’t play by the normal rules – HE INVENTS HIS OWN GAME, AGAIN AND AGAIN;
• Someone who lives life full out; and, importantly
• Someone who cares about making a positive difference in our world, and does something about it!

And he keeps on creating new successes.

Above all, I have admired him because as far as I can gather, a foundational principle of his is treating people well.

I think it’s one of the key reasons he’s been so successful.  He understands that business is people. So how can you achieve lasting, remarkable success in business if you treat your people like dirt?  You can’t – plain and simple.  Sure, you can get some quick “wins” (if you can even call them wins), but nothing durable.

I read one of his more recent books (see below) and got a lot from it.  While the book has a playful title, it’s full of sage advice for entrepreneurs and executives alike, let alone the many useful lessons on life for the everyday “layperson”.

Sure, I might not choose to do things quite as flamboyantly as he does sometimes and I might make some different choices with my advertising angle, but so what?  He brings a playful approach to things, which is very refreshing.  There’s a lot to be said for that.  And, he does it all with a warm spirit as far as I can gather.
Last but not least, I will have the good fortune of attending a large charity gala this Thursday after Day 1 of the Mastermind Group.  The gala will raise money for his foundation “Virgin Unite” – something I’m happy to support.  Check them out at http://www.virginunite.com.

Then it’s onto Day 2 of the mastermind group.  It promises to be a positive, inspiring, and powerful experience!

Hi everyone,

I just returned from a week-long trip to France where I had the privilege to work with a group of executives in senior roles in the health care industry.

All the work was conducted in French,
which was a great challenge
and a great success.

It reminded me of the joy of stretching myself.

Even though my level of French is very strong (it’s fair to say fluent), it’s still a challenge to address a complex, dynamic, challenging topic like ours – namely, how to build world-class business relationships to produce world-class results.  Add to that a group of people with high expectations and a demanding stance, and you’ve got yourself a top-notch challenge.

The work went very well and my colleague and I (both non-native French speakers) received many compliments on the quality of our French and on our courage in taking on this challenge and doing it so successfully.  It was very rewarding.

While I’m on the topic of doing great work, I’d like to share with you a wonderful 13-minute video I just watched:

It’s by Robin Sharma, a global Leadership Development expert.  I’ve met Robin as well as the key members of his organization, and I’ve experienced his work first hand.  I can say without hesitation that his work is outstanding, and his heart is in the right place.

Check it out at:http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=1465753719326

To greatness.

Today is Canadian Thanksgiving, and whether you’re Canadian or not, please take some time out today to give thanks for something or someone in your life.

Giving thanks is an under-used and under-rated activity.
I recommend it highly.

It improves relationships, makes you feel good, draws your attention to the good instead of the bad, and keeps you motivated.  It will produce better outcomes in negotiations, can resolve conflicts, and certainly builds relationships.

Try it – you’ll thank me for it. 

How often have you decided to do something
because you felt you “had to” or “should”?

How often have you said “yes” to a request
out of a sense of obligation?

Probably too often if you’re anything like the rest of us.

This is where the trouble starts.  The “yes” isn’t a real yes. It’s an, “OK, ok, I will”.  It’s a grudging, unenthusiastic yes. And when that happens, how good is the outcome?  You already know the answer.

So here’s my advice: practice the art of saying:

Trust me, it’s really refreshing.

Geez, I just realized I might be sounding a bit like Nancy Reagan: “Just Say No”.  I guess she did have a point.

Here’s another piece of advice:

If you really want someone’s buy-in when you’re trying to negotiate them into doing something, make it clear that they should feel free to say “no”.  Then, if they do say yes, they’ll really be on board.

Try it – I think you’ll like it.

It might seem like this post is in direct contradiction to the “Just Do It” post I wrote the other day.  But it’s not.

“Just Do It” was about the distinction between “trying” to do something and actually “doing it” – the difference between an intention and an action.

This post is about making sure that what you’re doing is:

1. Worth doing;
2. Moving you in the right direction; and
3. Something that actually serves meets your goals and matches your values (this is what I mean by “right direction”).

In key negotiations, in conflicts, and in life, this can save your backside.

But, in this crazy “always on, always available, 24/7, Crackberry/iPhone push email world”, I see examples everyday of where people do not stop to hit the pause button, and pay the price for it.

They end up doing busywork instead of good work.  Busywork instead of the right work.  Or, they just plain make a really poor choice.  What a shame.

All of us have to wrestle with this – myself included.  I’ve built systems to manage this – and big one is the very simple tool I’m talking to you about right here – the pause button.

When to use the pause button:

• When you’re not sure about something;
• When your “Spidey Senses” are tingling – something just doesn’t feel right;
• When you feel pressured to make a choice and you just don’t feel ready;
• When it’s a big decision that will impact a number of people; and
• Just because.

The research is very clear: multitasking produces a lot of poor decisions, as does rushing.  Google about this and you’ll find lots of info on it.

I’m not saying that every decision needs to take a long time.  Sometimes all you need is 30 seconds or a few minutes – but even that tiny bit of time can DRAMATICALLY IMPROVE the quality of your decision.

Try it – you’ll like it.

Nike struck gold when they picked this tag line, and there’s a reason for that: it’s really really good!  Succinct, powerful, action- oriented, profound – in 3 words.  Wow.

So that’s my recommendation to you today:  Just Do It.

Do what? You ask.

Something that moves you toward a good outcome for all parties in a conflict or a negotiation you’re involved in, or in any relationship that matters to you.

I was reading Robin Sharma’s excellent book “The Greatness Guide” this morning and came across a great line of his: “The smallest action is worth more than the noblest intention.” Amen to that!

Talk is cheap; actions speak loudly.

In my work with clients we make a big deal about the distinction between your intent vs your impact, as follows:

WE JUDGE OURSELVES BY OUR INTENTIONS
OTHERS JUDGE US BY THE IMPACT OF OUR ACTIONS.

Never forget this.

I believe that while your intention IS important and DOES matter, what matters even more is the impact of your action.

So here’s my challenge to you:

Take a good step today.
DO something positive for someone.
Don’t just think about, don’t just talk about it,

Today I read a great quote from Monday’s Globe and Mail newspaper:

“She’s an overnight success, built over years.”

This is what Simon Whitfield said when interviewed about Canadian triathlete Paula Findlay’s recent victory of the women’s triathlon in the World Championship Series Circuit (her second consecutive win – the only woman to do so this year).  FYI Simon Whitfield is the Canadian triathlete who gained fame at the 2000 Sydney Summer Olympics when he became the first person ever to win an Olympic gold in this sport (2000 was the first time it was added as an Olympic sport).

So what’s the link to negotitiation and conflict management?

Simple.  As with elite performers in any field, developing these skills to a world-class level takes YEARS of investment and deliberate effort. Sure, some event typically catapults the person to fame, but the effort, investment, etc often does not get factored into the equation.  People just celebrate the success and then say either, “Wow, aren’t they lucky”, or “Well that person has a special gift.”  True, they may have a gift, but they aren’t lucky.  As the old Chinese Proverb says, “Luck is the intersection of preparation and opportunity.”

If you want to become a world-class negotiator, you’ve got to make the same investment.  So much of what you do in negotiations and conflicts is “unconscious” behaviour – it’s just autopilot.  If you want to improve it, you’ve first got to become aware of what you do that works and doesn’t work, and then you can invest the time and energy to change it.  The good news is, you’re negotiating all the time, so you’ve got plenty of opportunities to practice.

Sure, you can get quick improvements in a short time-span by boosting your awareness and focusing on a few key skills, but true mastery takes years and years, and is a never-ending process.

Here’s to world-class negotiation success.  Everyone wins with a truly  world-class negotiator.