The other day I was thinking about something.  My mind was all over the place, and I was having trouble staying focused or making any real progress in my thoughts.   

Then I realized: I’m not “thinking” about this.  I’m just “having thoughts”.  

Too often we mistake one for the other.

The act of thinking is a purposeful thing.  It involves direction and implies having an explicit intention and focus.  You can direct your thinking, guide it, refine it.  

In contrast, “having thoughts” is simply the act of noticing thoughts running through your brain.  It is completely different than thinking.  It's like your brain on auto pilot without a destination, or on loud speaker without a defined subject.  It's not a bad thing – I just think it's important to distinguish between the two, because they are very different. 

I think confusing them even has the potential of being dangerous:  

Consider a situation where you have a negative opinion of someone.  You think they're out to make you look bad.  By default, your unconscious mind wants to find evidence to support your belief.  So, if you see the person do something that seems suspect, your most likely automatic conclusion is that this action is just one more piece of evidence confirming your view.  That is more like "having thoughts" about the situation.  If you were to purposefully THINK about it, you could catch yourself making the same old worst-case assumption and then say to yourself, "OK, she didn't necessarily intend to have that impact.  I'm just making up the same old bad story again.  Why else might she have done that?  Maybe, in fact, she was actually trying to be nice and extend an olive branch." 

The example above is really mild, but consider stereotypes, racism, and other forms of discrimination, fear, or hate.  Often these problems are fuelled by the absence of REAL THINKING; by our unwillingness to challenge our own ideas – to ask ourselves why we believe what we believe about a certain person, group, or subject. 

So, the next time someone asks you to “think about it”, check in with yourself to see whether you're really thinking about it or you're just "having thoughts" about it.

This posting is going to sound a bit like I'm tooting my own horn.  That's because I am. 

Ok, that's not strictly accurate.  It doesn't feel so much like tooting my horn as it feels like acknowledging some substantial progress I have made in my work and my life.  And, I'm of course writing this to invite you to do the same for yourself.  

I am currently out of town for about a week, working on a project with several colleagues.  The project has been an "in-your-face" reminder of how far I have come in several areas. 

Specifically:

• Setting limits and boundaries.
• Making purposeful choices about where I put my time, energy, and money.
• Thinking strategically.
• Thinking longer term.
• Allowing time/space to enjoy the journey – especially when I'm busy.
• Hitting the "pause" button to step back, look at the big picture, and focus on the right priorities.

I see so many people around me running on a treadmill, rarely stopping to ask themselves where they're headed, or why they're running in the first place!  As I see the team around me spinning around in a flurry of activity, I could see that same pattern happening. 

So, I did my thing (which I only have become better at in recent years).  I hit the pause button, asked where things stood, what our key priorities were, and then set about putting the structure in place that we needed.  The result was a much more orderly operation, more coordinated teamwork, a better and more efficient result, and way more fun.  How great is that?  

My invitation to you is for you to look at your life and find places where you could maybe do this for yourself.  In my experience, it's well worth the effort.  

Hello and Happy New Year from New York!

I am here with my wife, visiting relatives and enjoying New York at this time of year.  We went to Times Square last night but were too late to get closer than two blocks from the square itself, so we went to a nearby venue and rung in the New Year, and then returned to Times Square after midnight when it was opening up again and in cleanup mode.  It was great fun.  The action and energy of walking around the surrounding blocks with the many thousands of others, talking to fellow revelers, talking to police, celebrating and wishing each other a Happy New Year was just terrific.  One could feel the electricity in the air.  Given all the gloom and doom that has surrounded this financial and cultural capital in recent months, it was nice to feel this positive, happy energy instead.     

I always enjoy New Year's Eve because it's another opportunity to reflect on the past and consider the future (that is, for those of us who celebrate the New Year at this time of year based on this calendar).  While it's easy to take a cynical view and just write off the whole thing as one big superficial "forced" party, I prefer to take the view that looks for the opportunity and the upside in the event.  Specifically, I like the notion of pausing to take stock and look forward.  It is so easy to just "exist", and move through life from one event to the next, never really pausing to take in the experience. 

I invite you to create some time to do this for yourself in the next week, before you get caught up in the whirlwind of day-to-day life again.  It doesn't have to take much time.  Give thanks for your joys and accomplishments, acknowledge or mourn your sorrows and failures, and then create some goals for the coming year.  If you are the kind of person who creates occasions for this regularly anyway, great!  You can still use this occasion as a way to "check in" with yourself and see how you're doing.  I know it sounds odd, but really, how often do we consciously and intentionally do this?  I actually see it as a way to honour myself and honour what's important to me.  It's a very positive experience, and it is a critical piece of actually crafting the kind of future I want to have. 

I would like to share with you some questions my coach encourages me to consider for these purposes.  I'm passing her wisdom onto you in the hope that it will be useful to you as well. The process is called "Completing" the past year, and "Creating" the next one.  Completion is distinct from finishing or ending in the sense that completing allows you to clear the decks, learn necessary lessons, and reflect in a way that leaves you in a great place to really create or design the kind of year you want to have, without carrying baggage with you from the year behind you.  That does not mean you forget the past year.  It means you take your lessons and memories with you – from your good and your bad experiences – and use those lessons in an empowering way going forward.

The completion questions are as follows:

• What are the highlights of the past year?
• What lessons did you learn?
• What do you need to say to be "complete" with this year?
• Who do you need to make amends with or thank?
• What is there to say about your money, investments, and debts?
• What disappointments, distractions, desires and dreams from this past year require attention or acknowledgment?

You can say you have reached completion with the year when you have nothing more to say about the person or subject in question.  This exercise can be done in dialogue, in a journal, or just in quiet reflection.  As noted earlier, this lets you clear the decks and in some ways start with a clean slate as you "create" the kind of year you'd like to have going forward.

To "create" or design your ideal year, consider one or more of the following items:

• Summarize your goals and dreams for the coming year. 
• Write out your specific intentions for the year.
• Imagine yourself at December 31st, 2009, and write – in the past tense – your goals and accomplishments for 2009.  Although it may seem odd, this specific method of "goal setting" is quite enjoyable, and I find it increases my sense of belief in whether or not I can actually make it happen.

Having done this exercise, put your goals somewhere that is easy to refer to, and then review them on some kind of regular basis.  I recommend at least once per month, and more frequent than that is probably better. Whatever you do, though, set it up as something that is enjoyable.  If the notion (and process) of reviewing your goals and dreams is laborious and unpleasant for you, either don't do it, or find a way to do it that IS fun and empowering.  After all, life is short, and is meant to be enjoyed.

Now, after all my serious advice, let me finish once again by wishing you my very best for the coming year.  You have more influence over how it goes than you think.  We have limited influence over what happens to us, but we can choose how we respond to what happens.   So, instead of saying "have" a good year, let me end by saying "make it" a great year.   Enjoy!